Thursday, March 3, 2016

President Trump Pardons Mitt Romney

Breaking News---Dateline, February 2017: 

President Trump issued an executive pardon to Mitt Romney today for his despicable acts of buffoonery, political sedition, and other GOPe Party indiscretions, (including breaking Ronald Reagan's 11th Commandment).  The 45th President was also reported to have donated a handsome sum to the Surgical Society of Neutered Politicians, in response to Romney's castration by Candy Crowley in his second debate several years earlier.

Mr. Romney---who was found guilty of calling the then Republican candidate Trump a racist bigot and an ego maniacal con-man---was sentenced to 70,000 hours of Anti-Demagoguery Training at the new facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and another 4,000 hours on the construction of the Southern border walls, which is in its final stage of completion.

President Trump said he was convinced by the first lady, Melania Trump, [to issue the pardon], because she felt sorry for the pathetically misguided grand-father of 23 children, who had become a financial burden on the state in Romney’s absence.

During Romney’s release, Mrs. Trump was also heard to have whispered into the former governor’s ear, “choke on that, you sanctimonious bastard”.  

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